An English teacher's nightmare

To follow up my post yesterday about Jack keeping his friend company, shortly after that conversation occurred, Ava started referencing her nether regions. Now up until yesterday, she referred to it as her "Betty". Not even going there as to where that came from but needless to say the terminology stuck. With Ava being a very grown up 3 year old, I thought it was time to teach her the proper term, so I told her and Jack that it is called a "vagina." Hopefully, if you are reading this, you are not shocked at my bluntness or realism when dealing with my kids. Anyway, today we get in the car from picking her up at Monica's and Ava asks me a question about her "Pa-tine-ah." (And no, I don't remember the question). Jack quickly chimes in and also calls it a "Pa-tine-ah." (Obviously, I am spelling it semi-phonetically so you get it). Guess there is some work needed on their pronounciation!

And talking about pronounciations, Jack asked me today if I knew what a "Trable clap" was. Of course, I did not. He says, 'You know, the musical note? It's kinda like a J." "Oh! A treble clef!"

Private?

I was giving Jack and Ava a bath tonight when I hear them having a discussion about his private area. I hear Ava ask, "Are you taking it off?" Jack replies, "No. I'm only scratching it." I admonish them that their areas are private and not up for discussion. I then tell Jack that he should be doing that not in the presence of others. He replies, "I'm keeping it company."

Ava's Interrogation #2 and Dynamite!

After picking up J and A this afternoon, we had to swing by the post office to pick up a package. Ava, of course, was charming Darlene, the worker there, and Jack was vying for her attention too. Ava was asking "What's yo name?" "How old are you?" "Is that (the package) for me?" "Do you like Christmas?" "Is that a Charlie Brown box?" "Can I have a sucker?" Jack chimes in, "Do you like your job?" like he is a human resources exec. Then he says, "My mom is 33 and my dad is 34." I joked that it is good that they don't know my weight. Darlene LOVED them and gave them treats. So then, as we are leaving the PO, they ask what is in the box. I said, "Hair bows". Ava shrieks, "I told you that was my box!!!!" Like 10 people were staring and giggling. Nice.
Hop in the car and are listening to Z99.5's MakeAWish-athon...they start playing Taio Cruz's Dynamite, a song that I love. There is no funnier sound than two little ones singing these lyrics...
I Throw My Hands Up In The Air Sometimes,
Saying Ay-Oh, Gotta Let go.
I wanna celebrate and live my life,
Saying Ay-Oh, Baby Let's Go.
Cause we gon rock this club,
We gon' go all night,
We gon' light it up,
Like it's dynamite.
Cause I told you once,
Now I told you twice,
We gon light it up,
Like it's dynamite.

Probably not appropriate but definitely funny!!!!

Do you want to watch the video? Here is a youtube link...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpGgBYeOgi0

What's a Del Fuego anyway?

Today I am going to rant for a minute or twelve about something totally off - topic. Most of you know I work at a middle school. Most of us can recall or vaguely recall middle school or junior high-that awful time when your face breaks out like a pizza parlor, glasses and braces suddenly enhance that awesome look and deodorant and other items become necessary for survival. Life during this time, frankly, sucks. I have blocked out this time in my life, mainly because I was a major nerd and it was not a pleasant time for me.

So today at work, I helped investigate a bullying incident. This was full-fledged bullying at its worst. This poor child (a boy as sweet as can be) has been harassed repeatedly, called names and teased pretty much everyday for at least the last 3 weeks that we could determine, although I venture to say it has lasted much longer than that. What are the kids doing? Calling the boy a "Del Fuego"...now, I can understand a bit of Spanish so the translation is From Fire. However, the person who started the name calling (which spread like wild fire) "made it up" and his translation was "hippo". We interrogated, oops, I mean interviewed, a dozen kids who all casually called this child the name and teased him about it. I am ROYALLY DISGUSTED with them. Who gave them the right to tear down this other child? Who told them it was okay to do this? So it is a stupid name....that name has caused indeterminant damage to the child. He went from all A's and B's to mainly F's, hates school, hates himself and god only knows what else. His mom is horrified, as she should be.

Lesson learned: the stuff kids said to me that hurt my feelings, I still carry with me today. I can recall vividly each barb that came my way and how it made me feel. This must stop.

Where did my little girl go?

Here's short commentary on my little princess (snort!) and her antics lately. Apparently, she is being raised by monkeys when I am not around. So yesterday, we are sitting on the floor playing the classic game Candy Land. Of course, Jack and Ava are both trouncing me. (That, I suppose is another story all together). Ava stands up and says, "Mommy, look at me." I turn my head and she 'talks' her butt at me and then farts. Gross! Today, after pulling her from the bath and towel drying her, she curls up into a little ball on the floor with her rear end facing what? Yes, that is correct. Me. So she proceeds to tootle her trumpet, so to speak, in my face. Where is this grossness coming from? Why did I deserve her bestowing this nastiness on me? Oh well, tomorrow is another day. Maybe she can horrify me in another heinous fashion. Enjoy today's edition of Ava's Antics ;)

Ava and O'Reilly Auto Parts.

I should really change the name of my blog to Ava's Antics...she is always into something or saying something. Oy vey!

Here is a super funny (at least I think it is funny) story about the night Brian took the kids to O'Reilly Auto Parts. Now, this night was the night I had Bunco with the girls and had to take the kiddies with me until Brian could pick them up. In a flash of inspiration (thanks Sydney!), I put both kids in their footie pj's, Jack wearing his Transformer boots, and Ava shoeless. I take them with me and Brian picks them up. He had to stop at O'Reilly's on the way home to buy a new gas cap. Apparently his old one is somewhere downtown Indy. He plops Ava on the counter at O'Reilly's. Ava, knowing no stranger, promptly asks the very gruff counter person, "What's your name?" (Ava saying it really comes out as "What's yo name?") Response: "Dave." Ava: "How old are you?" Dave grinning and probably thinking this is hilarious: "29". Ava: "My daddy's older than you." Before she could get his phone number, social security number and shoe size, Brian ushers them out of the store. Ava cracks me up...she always give everyone the third degree.

Maybe if you are lucky, I will share some more stories about Ava interrogating people in a future post. I will finish this off with a classic comment by Ava when wanting her way..."Say sure!"

My Little Trooper...Caution! Graphic pictures!

Picture this...8pm on Saturday. It looks like we might just get both kids into bed by 8, 8:30 tops. Ava hightails it into our bathroom to get her teeth brushed. An extremely loud THUD! sounds. Silence then an "Owie!" Ava starts screaming. Brian is quick to follow her. I am frozen. Ava has split open her head after running fullforce into the wall. Not her smartest move. However, after severely bleeding (head wounds tend to do that), a run to CVS,

a call to St. Vincents 338-KIDS line, a call to my parents and his parents (not in any particularorder), she is semi on the mend. She has already began to recap the incident. "I ran into the bathroom, hit the wall, split my head open...then I got my blanket and I am all better." Now we just have to monitor her all night and wake her up every 2 hours...not sure what is worse-the getting up part or the fact that she is going to be CRANKY tomorrow.

Jack and I are still recovering from the evening. Poor guy! He takes after me in that blood and gore are not our top picks. He went to bed lickety split!

Kaleidoscope?

Amazing Ava never ceases to well, amaze me! For a 3 year old, she is sharp and funny. Today, she earned a toy from the treasure box at Monica's. She was so excited, so proud! Everyone we came across for the next hour heard about her "new toy". Jack wants to play with her "new toy" and is quickly shot down. Daddy comes home from work and Ava rushes to tell him about her "new toy" only this time she goes for it. Yes...she gives it her all and says, "DADDY! Look at my sky-di-scope!" Didn't know she knew what her "new toy" was called but by golly, she did and she almost got it! Way to go Ava on good behavior and frankly, a really good vocabulary!

I Think I Love You

Ava, age 3, and I were reading on the couch and a trashy entertainment show, probably Entertainment Tonight (okay, so it is not trashy, unless you think it is, then it is) was on in the background. I start singing along to "I think I love you but what am I so afriad of..." (Partridge family guy? Maybe David Cassidy, pretty sure not Danny Bonaduce) Ava looks at me and asks what the song is called. I (not knowing the name) said, "I think it is 'I think I love you.'" She says, "I think I love you too but what is the name of the song?"

So if you are serious about knowing this song, which why wouldn't you, here they are...

"I Think I Love You"(As recorded by the Partridge Family/Bell)

TONY ROMEO

I was sleeping and right in the middle of a good dream

Like all at once I wake up from something that keeps knocking at my brain

Before I go insane I hold my pillow to my head

And spring up in my bed screaming out the words I dread

I think I love you

This morning I woke up with this feelingI didn't know how to deal with and so I just decided to myself

I'd hide it to myself and never talk about it

And did not go and shout it when you walked into the room

I think I love you

I think I love you so what am I so afraid of

I'm afraid that I'm not sure of a love there is no cure for

I think I love you isn't that what life is made of

Though it worries me to say that I never felt this way

I don't know what I'm up against

I don't know what it's all aboutI got so much to think about

Hey, I think I love you so what am I so afraid of

I'm afraid that I'm not sure of a love there is no cure for

I think I love you isn't that what life is made of

Though it worries me to say I never felt this way

Believe me you really don't have to worry

I only wanna make you happy and if you say "hey go away" I will

But I think better still I'd better stay around and love you

Do you think I have a case let me ask you to your face

Do you think you love me?

I think I love youI think I love you

(I think I love you)I think I love you

(I think I love you)I think I love you(I think I love you)

I think I love you(I think I love you).

(c) Copyright 1970 by Screen Gems-Columbia Music, Inc.- HIT PARADER, March 1971.

How to Apologize in 1st grade

My 6 year old, Jack, is in first grade. He has a friend, who was also in his kindergarten class, Logan, who he likes to get into heated discussions with. Well, apparently, Logan was bragging about having a thousand dollars in his classroom store account. Jack calls him a "liar" because he really only has $240 in his account. Logan calls him a "liar" back, the exchange continues, their teacher gets involved, and voila! The letter.

What am I doing?!

So I decided to try my hand again at having a blog. I like to write, I think I am pretty good at it, and I get told all the time that my kids are super funny. So instead of only sharing with my facebook friends, I am sharing with the world the funny stories that I have. Hopefully, you find them as funny as me :-)